If you’re anything like me you know that this gift of life is wonderful and messy and sometimes awful and difficult, yet oh, so very precious.
I value authenticity greatly and believe that our journey is not ours alone, but in fact is meant to encourage others along the way.
My life has been filled with love and joy, heartache and grief, and hope. It’s my great desire that the lessons I’ve learned can be helpful to you. I trust that God can, and will, bring beauty from the ashes of our lives and will double the joys we share.
Life Is Precious.
Even in the mess
First and foremost, I am a daughter of the Most High God.
He tells me who I am and gives me my value.
But it wasn’t always this way....
let me share a bit about myself
So, friend
Before I met Jesus my life ached for meaning. I was raised in a religious environment and believed in God but thought Him far off and busy. As a teen I wanted to be closer to God and know Him more, but the questions I presented were considered "doubting the faith" so I was left on my own to see for answers.
I read all kinds of crazy stuff and even believed some of it. Combine that with past abuse and low self-esteem, and depression set in. The enemy waged a full attack to prevent me from getting to know the LORD better. Wave after wave until at 25 years old he had me convinced I wasn’t worthy of living anymore. That my beautiful family would be better off without me.
Before I met Jesus my life ached for meaning…
He met me where I was, addicted to pain meds after a bad car accident that left me unable to care properly for my girls.
In the middle of the night with a shoebox full of pills, in a pain unexplainable (emotional and spiritual, which I did not yet understand can be more excruciating than the physical) He saved me from myself, He saved me from the enemy! I flushed every pill that night in faith that He would get me through without them. Though the pain didn’t diminish, He made it bearable. But the depression still had a hold on me.
But God.
(My two favorite words in all of Scripture!)
Let’s be real though, life wasn’t all sunshine and roses afterward. Being in constant pain impacts you and if you are not rooted in Christ, you begin to believe this is who you are and you write off things like impatience and short temper to “this is just who I am” and my family was left to deal with it.
Though I no longer wanted to end my life, I really didn’t like who I was and no matter how hard I tried, I failed at being better.
Walking Through the “Not Yet”
Fast forward to age 36… My sister called and invited me to a new church she’d found. I almost backed out, but then I thought about all I’d done to try to get closer to God and none of it worked, so I really had nothing to lose.
When they began to sing songs that reflected the state of my heart, I burst into tears. As the pastor spoke, it was if he was speaking only to me. I’d found home. At the end of the service, I prayed the sinner’s prayer.
One "Yes" That Changed My Life
Then, one Sunday a few months later… there, in black and white, was the statement that had haunted me almost all of my life, “What on Earth are We Here For?”
I can’t even tell you what Pastor Jeremy spoke about… but what I do know is that I encountered the Living God. That day I gave every ounce of myself to Jesus… and I finally understood that “salvation” isn’t just for a heavenly home one day at the end of my life, but that we are in the midst of eternity and our lives here can be different if we surrender to Jesus. I also felt for the first time what it was to be free from the weight of all my sin. Oh, oh… Freedom is sweet!
When Freedom Became Real
In 2007 my husband fell from a tall ladder, suffering a Traumatic Brain Injury. The speech center of his brain had been obliterated and he wasn’t expected to live. But God! He not only lived, he spoke! The greatest lesson I learned through it all? Never, ever, ever give up. Believe the promises of God and remind yourself of them constantly.
Miracles in the Midst of Crisis
But God, Again!
Then, the unexpected shattered my world … Our son, our beloved Matt, was in a horrible car accident that took the lives of both he and his best friend. The agony was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, a piece of my heart had been ripped out and the void was real. Everywhere I looked, I missed him. His shirt hanging on the back of the chair, the fountain he put in the garden, his cologne, the last words he wrote to me on the white board, his final goodbye…
A few days later my husband said he’d thought of something, Matt is now with his twin in Heaven. (I miscarried the second baby when I was 4 months along, but through a miraculous turn of events, Matt's life had been spared.) I cried with joy at the thought of them finally together again and a bit of peace settled in my soul.
It’s been many years now and God has not only carried me through, He taught me to grieve well and gave me victory over death. He inspired me to share my story with you to help in your own journey and to know His great love for you.
Time, dear friends, does not heal wounds of the heart. But God does!
When the Waves Crashed Again
Beauty from ashes
Today my husband Dave and I live a full and happy life in Southern California near our remarkable daughters and their families. God has been so gracious to give us with sons-in-love who are truly sons-of-my-heart. And being a Gigi to four amazing, godly young people is one of my greatest joys!
Living Fully, Loving Deeply
Life is nowhere near perfect, But God…
A book is being poured…
It’s still in God’s hands, but the words are coming
